Potter, Actually
by deerxpuns
Summary: He first noticed her truly when he walked into the common room a bit after three in the morning, unable to sleep. She was sitting there with her back to the couch, her head laid back and eyes closed, her flaming hair mussed and spilling everywhere. (Jily AU; two-shot for wlfstr on tumblr. Art by Viria)


**For my lovely brotato**

He first noticed her truly when he walked into the common room a bit after three in the morning, unable to sleep. She was sitting there with her back to the couch, her head laid back and eyes closed, her flaming hair mussed and spilling everywhere. What he remembered most clearly was her arms: it looked as though someone scratched both of her arms repeatedly until they were bloodied. Upon closer inspection - and much to his horror - he soon figured he would have preferred them to be scratch marks. Instead he found her arms to be filled with those God awful thin lines of misery, lines that screamed more sorrow than he ever saw on her face that always seemed to have a permanent smile. Dried blood was crusted all along the cuts that extended from her elbows to wrists, cuts that crisscrossed and, for the final one that almost made him want to vomit, deep lines that spelled out the word "mudblood." He had poked her awake after that and carried her to the Room of Requirement where a tub awaited where a large dose of Dittany sat off to the side with promising bandages.

(She didn't look him straight in the eye for three weeks after that).

After Christmas break ended in his sixth year, he found his friends acted more mercilessly towards her. Sirius constantly had a prank up his sleeve, Remus complained of how much she was a "prissy bitch" whenever he got back from patrols because "all she does is take points away from people," and Peter often added things to her potions that caused them to explode. He couldn't do anything harmful to her after the episode, though. He, in fact, found himself in the common room at three in the morning more and more often. Mostly he sat silently and did his homework while she read.

(As long as she didn't make any more of those awful marks on herself, he was content).

His friends noticed something was wrong, much to his demise. One time, shortly before a full moon, Remus snappily demanded, "Why have you stopped asking Evans out, James?" His friends had concocted a plan in their fourth year, a plan where he pestered her into going out with him to Hogsmeade until she finally said yes, and once she finally did he was to ditch before the date even started and leave her shattered. After the incident, he stopped asking. How was he supposed to explain to his friends that he was actually in love with her? That he snuck out at obscure hours of the night to paint her nails by a dying fire while she whispered stories of a boy in an abusive household who was her guide to the magical world, of a girl with hair made of fire whose dad had several children with his secretary and her mother was married to alcohol, but the girl's parents stayed together for the benefits and their children. She painted a world of where she was hated by her sister for having magic when her sister didn't, a book of secrets from a time where everything was more simple and the girl didn't grow into a woman who skipped meals and took her anger out on her arms and legs. He couldn't tell his friends that he was far too in love with a woman who was more broken than all of them combined, and that he refused to be like every asshole who did step on her. So he shrugged and left their dorm, then sent her a note telling her to meet him in the Room of Requirement with a book.

(They ended up missing classes the next day, for they slept off a night of staying up reading).

The first time he kissed her she was crying. It was late May, exams were around the corner, and she was sobbing into his arms on the Quidditch Pitch half past midnight. He had been careful to always have the Marauder's Map tucked away on his person since he had been questioned by Peter when Peter had found him studying Transfiguration with her a few months back. He couldn't risk them finding out. Not that he cared what his friends thought - he just didn't want to jeopardize her friendship that seemed to be built upon pillars of sand only contained by thin glass that threatened to break at any given moment. She was blubbering about how her sister, Petunia, didn't want her at Petunia's wedding to some whale named Vernon. He kissed her forehead and vowed quietly that he would take her to the wedding despite what Vernon and Petunia said. She froze at the sign of affection, but before an apology could leave his lips she leaned up and pressed herself onto him. In a hazy stupor, he couldn't help but think about how horrid the timing was, how her tears were falling onto his cheeks and _Good God I can't be that bad at kissing, can I?_ , but it was okay. It was perfect for him and when she pulled away he was graced with a genuine smile that he couldn't help but return on instinct.

(They met up more often after that, and he stole her away to Hogsmeade once a week to shower her with chocolate with each passing day she went without harming or starving herself).

Summer came swiftly and he found himself making up excuses to Sirius as to why he couldn't meet up at bars or hang out with the rest of the Marauders just so he could Apparate to Cokeworth and spend lazy days on her bed drinking soda and reading books aloud to each other. They were barred from Petunia's wedding, much to his demise, but he especially made sure they had a place at the reception where he promptly dragged her out to dance directly after the couple's first married dance was over. In fact, to annoy the newlyweds even more, he got down on one knee and spontaneously proposed after his first dance with her. What he didn't expect was her hesitant nod before she threw her arms around him and whispered, "Why on earth would I not marry you, James Potter?" After that he was told scathingly by Vermin that seventeen wasn't the legal age to marry, to which he snapped back, "It is for wizards, my dear brother; I don't see the problem here." Her parents neither noticed nor cared their youngest was to be married whenever she so desired. As a result, he made sure Sirius was out of the house before bringing her to meet his parents, to which they were utterly delighted that she was to be the newest member of their family, and didn't care one bit that they were still in school.

(He never told her explicitly how terrified he was when he asked for her hand, nor did he tell her how much love filled him when she agreed even though they had only been dating for a month).

The school year started off and he found himself Head Boy. She was Head Girl by his side. Quite honestly, they both thought Dumbledore was bonkers for giving him the position, but she mentioned she didn't mind, as that meant they would share the head dorms together. He didn't let Remus's suspicious glance towards the ring on her finger during the first prefect meeting go unnoticed - the ring that signified their promise, one that he wore a duplicate of around his neck - but avoided questions and made up a story of having to perform head duties in the heads' compartment so _Moony, mate, you have to understand that this is more demanding than friends. If I don't do this McGonagall will kill me and I can't leave Lil - Evans - with the duties to herself. Tell Pads and Wormy for me, yeah? Thanks Moony, you're the best._ Instead they actually laid on the floor the entire time, with her head cradled on his chest while they whispered stories back and forth of a girl and boy that were deeply in love but could never tell anyone in fear of how others would react. They sculpted a path for the two lovers in a world of pretend where they wouldn't be ostracized for their love, where the boy and girl lived together in a small cottage in the countryside with a small brigade of children.

(Somehow, he knew for certain that he would find that home they spoke of, even if he had to build it himself).

Their relationship went smoothly for the most part. The only trifles they ever faced were simple misunderstandings that were easily smoothed over, like a time where he crawled into her room after he woke from a terrible nightmare. She grumbled about it until she saw the tears streaking his face, then she lifted up her blankets and held him until they both drifted off to slumber once more. After that they simply began to share a bed, as his nightmares became more prominent and she seemed to be the only one able to stop them. In early November, though, he knew he should have expected it. He was too smart to not realize that all good things ended and they would be caught red handed. She was too, for that matter. They simply ignored it for their own sanity. He had forgotten that he had given the Marauders the password to the head dorms, so he was completely unprepared when his friends walked in on him kissing her. She had pulled away quickly in shock and he shot up. A small, foolish, naïve part of him wished that his friends would be happy for him. Happy that he was finally content with what he had and happy that he found the love of his life. Instead they began hurling insults. They hurt her most of all until he finally had enough and bellowed, "GET OUT! SHE'S MY FIANCE FOR GOD'S SAKE AND I REFUSE TO HAVE YOU TREAT HER LIKE TRASH!" Sirius spat, "Well maybe you should take a look at your choices and we wouldn't make these accusations." Remus glared and clambered out first, followed quickly by Peter and then Sirius. As they left, she started crying and uttered _You shouldn't choose me over them, James, they're your friends_ so softly that he barely heard. He scoffed loudly, "They are lousy friends if they can't accept that you are my life, now," just before the portrait swung shut.

(He would have been lying if he said it didn't hurt like 'a god damn bitch' though).

Two weeks before Christmas break for the seventh years it all changed though. By then, the school had well adjusted to the news, and they had been good about ignoring the sharp jabs that people often shot at them. Mrs. Potter had heard that none of the Marauders were to attend his wedding simply because they didn't like the bride. His mum had blasted the door open to Charms one afternoon in a full blown rage and started to ruthlessly shriek at his friends. The entire class watched in fear as Mrs. Potter reduced Peter to tears, make a vague threat to Remus about how _James never once left your side despite your problem, and you are returning the favor by not being there for one of the biggest moments in his life? Remus, this is ridiculous, I expected more of you! Have you ever taken the time to know Lily? She's one of the best people to walk this damned earth!_ , and turn Sirius a sickly shade of white as the old woman reminded Sirius that Sirius was given a room at Potter Manor without second thought. In that moment, they had never loved his mum more.

(He was glad Sirius was there as he shakily said I solemnly swear _I will love you forever and protect you with my life_ , as he was equal parts terrified and thrilled to see her face glisten after that).

After the wedding, he had Apparated to one of the Potter's other estates and they spent the rest of their break there on a honeymoon. School resumed for the last part of their seventh year shortly after. He was proud of the ring on his finger, and grinned whenever he saw her glowing after she glanced at hers. His favorite moment, however, was their first class: Transfiguration. She had raised her hand to answer one of McGonagall's questions, and the professor answered, _Yes, Miss Evans?_ She bit her lip in that adorable way of hers in silent contemplation then replied, "It's Potter, actually."

 **A/N: this is actually a two-shot but unless there is demand for the other half, my loves, I probably will not write it. I don't own HP. Also, please review? Makes me day. Lots of love!**


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